Thursday, April 30, 2009

He May be a Mother, but He Ain't MIne

Dear reader,

Last night I watched, incredulous, as the Supreme Nanny of the United States (SNOTUS) told me to cover my mouth when I sneeze. And to wash my hands often. This is my patriotic duty in the War Against Swine Flu, now in its preliminary skirmishes.

I didn't get all the details. My attention was focused on the lapdog press, who never smiled, grimaced, or showed any emotion other than canine devotion as Mother Obama lectured the entire American population on elementary hygiene. They were taking notes about this pablum, for the love of Cronkite. I waited in vain for the Green wit among them to ask if he advised we use (tree-destroying) paper tissues or (detergent-washed-water-polluting) washable cloth hankies. Alas, the Greens are silent when it comes to questioning a Black God. Or should I say Godess.

He also said he has requested a small sum in emergency funds to combat the growing pig flu threat. The number was so small by modern standards it didn't stick in my mind, but I think it was a trivial amount like ten billion dollars. Do the math... only about $30 per living American. (Only about an average month's bailout for the average fascist American corporation.) Who wouldn't spare a mere $30 to save a child's life, or prop up the child's father's failed company? Compassion demands it. Democracy commands it. Mother knows best. And FEMA will distribute the loot via ATM cards.

Today, Mother Obama cross-dressed and became the stern Father, informing us that Chrysler didn't make the cut and that's that, game's over, no more taxpayer handouts, we're down to the Big Two in Detroit. Except, wait a minute (as he ducks into a closet and changes back into drag), that's not really "fair" to all the union workers who've sacrificed so much to try to make the marriage work. We'll do a quick-and-easy bankruptcy with restructuring, after which the bond-holders will be fleeced and the UAW will own 55% of Chrysler. Lazy-Fair triumphs again!

Oh, but the new UAW owners don't have to go it alone. The Italian auto company, Fiat, will send in its best mechanics to FIX IT AGAIN TONY! Having once owned a Fiat Spider (the word means "speeder" in Italian, which is a joke because the 4-cylinder ragtop I owned was among the slowest of all my cars, which is saying something; and the mistaken assumption that it had traction and cornering like an arachnid is also laughable), I can tell you that its deal with Chrysler is typical, considering its management style. Fiat makes cars in about 4 different plants in Italy (one for the chassis, one for the engine, one for the transmission - you get the picture), then brings them to a fifth plant for final assembly, with predictable results for "fit and finish". And reliability. And resale value. What difference will one more country and ocean make, when you're delivering goods such as these?

In other words, Obama announced that the government just may bring back Chrysler from the crypt by giving majority ownership to the vampire union that sucked its blood for 50 years, transfusing fresh blood from the body politic, and turning over research, development, and sales to a guy named Guido. After this resurrection, the company will be renamed Christler.


Seriously, now...

Obama comes across as a pompous ass, typified by his constant uplifted jaw as he speaks down to the unwashed. He's clueless about economics, and his ignorance combined with virtually unchecked power and an extreme left-wing agenda is just a little frightening. If I had children I would be very afraid for them. Since I don't, I don't mind sticking my neck out a bit for yours.

Today's lesson has been about - what else? - the idiocy of government and the chaos it creates in the marketplace. In contrast, anarchy, which is often portrayed as the progenitor of chaos, promotes voluntary cooperation and the advancement of civilization. The moral is about growing up and resisting nannyism and authoritarianism, whether you are a citizen being lectured about hygiene or a CEO trying to defend his company. If we all just stand up and complain once in a while, things just might change for the better - towards anarchy.

Keep thinking about how we can solve problems without force. It's good for you mental health, good for your happiness, and good for everyone's future.